Hi r/weddingplanning and thanks for reading. I'll try to keep it brief, but let’s be honest. Who's brief when it comes to their own wedding? ;)TL;DR- FH’s family is a bunch of dicks.I am running into some frustrations with my future in laws. FMIL, FFIL, and FSIL. I honestly don't know what happened, but it's like as soon as we got engaged things started to go south. FH and I have been together 7+ years, and we got engaged right at about 5 years so it's not like we were rushing anything. For background FH is a trans-man and has had a lot of up and down with his family regarding his own personal life. He's also struggled with his mental health severely so I do believe that factors in when it comes to how his parents (mother) feels about letting him go.We recently relocated to a much more liberal city and state, and it's been TREMENDOUS for us and our relationship, but planning a wedding from a state away is hard! I knew this would be the case so I started planning really early, like 18 months out. When we first looked at our venue FH and I were totally in love. We tried for weeks to get FMIL and FFIL to come look at the venue with us and review a contract with us since it would be our first time signing a big contract like that. They scheduled and rescheduled 3 TIMES before finally coming to view the venue with us. At this point I was so frustrated I had a check in hand from my Dad so we could sign the contract that day and be done with it. FIL's were not happy we were signing a contract that early. They thought we were being pre mature, and that it was a bad idea- that we could wait a few more months to set things in stone. I insisted and FH agreed with me that we had no reason to wait until we weren't there anymore and we loved the venue so we were going to sign the contract and put down the deposit. When we were sitting down with the events coordinator (who is an ACTUAL Angel) my FMIL was incredibly rude, asking ridiculous questions about details of the contract I was not concerned about (neither was my dad, or my boss at the time who wrote contracts for a living). While touring the venue after we signed the contract my FMIL pulled my FFIL back and talked LOUDLY about how horrible it was, and that we were ridiculous for ever thinking this could be the right place for a romantic wedding. I fortunately did not hear it, but one of my best friends (and bridesmaids) got stuck behind them and was appalled at them.All the while I had been asking my FSIL and my FMIL to come with me to try on dresses because I wanted them to be involved. I never once got a committed answer from them and after a few months of trying I gave up. I don't have a mom, and as close as FMIL and I were at that point, I had hoped that she would at least want to be semi involved with me, knowing how hard it would be to plan this by myself.Things got worse and worse until last summer when FH and I decided on who we wanted in our wedding parties. Neither of us wanted to ask any siblings, just our closest friends. My family had no issue with this, but FSIL lost her damned mind. FH (as previously mentioned is trans) was a bridesmaid in FSIL's wedding 5 years ago. It was RIGHT on the cusp of him coming out and starting his own gender transition. Truly dressing up with hair and make up and a long dress was TERRIBLE for his mental health, but he wants to please his family so damn bad he did it anyway. He did it for his sister. Despite how supportive he’s been of his sister she has been relatively awful to him, ignoring him for weeks (pretending he didn’t live there) when he came out as gay, and insisting he was her sister and correcting people who used male pronouns early in his transition. His entire family has come around now seeing how much better he feels, and just IS but it definitely wasn’t instant like they seem to think.Well when he broke the news on FB that he had asked 2 of his female best friends and 1 male best friend his sister was appalled. How dare he not ask her? She asked him for crying out loud. Apparently this was an offense that she just could not forgive. This February when we were visiting and doing our engagement photos and attending some wedding appointments they had the chance to sit down and talk, and by talk I mean that she got to tell him what a terrible human he was for 2 hours. After a short while of it I had to excuse myself because I knew it was important that they talk it out. He was so gracious and apologetic, genuinely apologizing for hurting her . Some of the things that she said that I don’t know if I can forgive were, “How can you be so selfish not to think of me” and “I don’t even want to come to your wedding anymore, and if I do it will only because I don’t want Mom to cry.” At that point I said it was time for us to leave. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I was strong for him that night, but our trip was ruined. The next morning in the airport I sobbed to him because I was so hurt that his family would make this event, OUR wedding about them when they KNEW how hard this was for me already.Since that weekend his parents have come to visit us once and it was yet again another disaster. We were in the middle of a nice restaurant when his Mom looked straight at him in the middle of the discussion I brought up about a rehearsal dinner and said “If there was only some way to convince SIL to be in the wedding.” Well guys…I’m not proud but I lost my mind. I saw red and started yelling. The rest of the trip was ruined and I was upset with myself for losing my cool but I am SO sick of being treated like we don’t matter at our own wedding!We haven’t talked to them much since March (after their visit), so FH and I went ahead and planned our rehearsal BBQ with my dad. We have a LOT of people traveling to be with us on our big day so we are feeding them an extra meal the night before at a low key BBQ in the park. My FMIL had a huge issue with this and it came out via text at FH (from FFIL to make this even more confusing) with them basically saying they “aren’t interested” in hosting some bbq when it will be too hot in a park. After more tears and yelling (at an empty house) on my part we’ve decided to go ahead with our own plans and just invite them to any events and not expect OR accept money or help.At this point we have no idea if his sister and her family will be coming to our wedding. She has given us a “maybe” RSVP for them and if that’s not good enough for us she told us to put her down for a No. We are trying to be optimistic and put them down for yes. If it were up to me I’d tell her that if she couldn’t give us a solid answer then she wouldn’t be allowed to come. She’s basically holding him hostage in a passive aggressive emotional battle and it’s exhausting.Despite how shitty I feel they are being, I am SO excited to marry this wonderful man and I am WAY more excited about our 7:30 am flight on Sunday to Cancun for our honeymoon. That REALLY can’t come soon enough. So I guess I’ll wrap this up with a few questions. Am I crazy? I am trying EXTREMELY hard not to be a bridezilla, while at the same time not being a doormat. Maybe this was just a well needed rant for me to get it out in a way that wasn’t harming FH, in a place I hope someone will be able to relate?Thanks everyone. I appreciate it if you stuck it out this far. (: via /r/weddingplanning http://ift.tt/2t7NMrD
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